“Officer Brian, you reported an armed robbery. Do you have a description of the suspect?”


“Well, give it to us.”

“I said I HAVE it. I’m not sure I can give it to you.”

“Why, didn’t you see him clearly?”

“ I didn’t say it was male.”

“Was it a female?”

“Sergeant, more than half of the people in this country are female. If I said the person was a female you would suspect millions of people on no basis but their sex?”

“Well, how tall was the suspect?”

“Sergeant, are you going to go out and start rounding up people on the basis of their height?”

“For God’s sake, man, which direction was the suspect going in?”

“If I give you the direction, you will start looking at everyone going in that direction. A person is innocent until proven guilty. Thousands of people are going in every direction in this city, innocent people. There could even be roadblocks set up which implied that this group of people is more likely to be armed robbers than people who choose to go in another direction.”

“Were they in a vehicle?”

“If they were, it might mean they had a handicap because they could not walk or run. If so, this would be profiling of everyone who is old or differently abled. Otherwise it would profile those who are not.”

“Officer Brian, is there ANYTHING you can tell us about this perpetrator?”

“ALLEGED perpetrator, sir.”

“ALL RIGHT. Is there anything you can tell us about this alleged perpetrator that would aid us in finding him or her?”

“Not without profiling. It was just a person, regardless of race, color, creed or national origin.”

“Officer Brian, turn in your badge and gun. I just checked with headquarters and you are fired.”

“Not for refusing to profile I’m not. The ACLU will beat you on that.”

“Actually, the ACLU is against you. You continuously referred to your subject as “a person,” so PETA has filed a joint action with the ACLU for your removal for specieist profiling.”